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POT-TEA TALK

Dear Diary,

Peer pressure rears its ugly head once again my friends. It’s in our Elementary schools, High Schools and now.. our DEMENTIA floors across America. Raging like a bad case of gas after a few too many shots of that YUMMY prunetini cocktail. It strikes the momentarily weak—the confused and the oh so very lost in the hallway. Nowhere to go— no one to follow. Suddenly our elderly family member, with some measly cognitive issues..becomes something we no longer recognize. Where once stood someone who took pride in JUST SAYING NO to drugs.. now stands (hunches) a woman PRESSURED by her peers into a life of addiction.

I had no indicator that my MIL Ru was using. I just walked innocently into the dining room over at Happy Daze Assited Living as I usually do..expecting to find my bright and glassy eyed Ru lounging on the couch watching the maintenance dude changing light bulbs and applauding wildly with each success. Instead, what do I find to my HORROR? A group of Hard core ADDICTS..huddled together sneakily sipping aged Sumatra from a paper cup. They’re all Ummmmm Ahhhhhh, nice bouquet and a tad acidic. Full body too.. JUST the way I like it. Hubba Hubba. Uggggg. Coffee Potheads.. all of them. Selma, Blanche, Bertha and Bert. OMG is that Helga? My GAWD it is. They got Helga too. That’s not the worst of it. Guess who was sitting next to Bert?

My first guess is that the allure of being part of the POPULAR crowd became too much for Ru to resist any further. She’s always been a good girl..My MIL Ru. Lived a clean life. She drank tea. Stayed away from tobacco. Yet here we are RUNNING (pffff. As. If) with the BADASS GIRLS. Coffee drinkers.. BEGGING for a doppio SHOT the minute you come in to visit them. That’s right. You heard me. Ru’s turning to the allure of DRUGS because she sees OTHERS doing it. Why now the cheap thrills? I don’t know. But I will tell you..when your MIL falls (stumbles) in with people always wanting to try the next coolest thing because it’s NEW, kind of naughty and they’ve NEVER tried it before. You’re setting yourself up for heartache and pain as she veers on to a path of Dark roast and Kenyan blend..and heaven forbid the ESPRESSO Con Panna. Why. me. Feh.

I’ll walked slowly over to granny, refusing the immediate reaction to be judgy and scold her in front of her friends. No. I was gonna keep my cool and play along. Ru looks up and instead of an apology for being led astray by girls that we KNOW to be trouble, she looks defiantly at me and says, “Did you finish cleaning my room and refilling my toilet paper roll? “Ru. It’s ME.” I like to state this fact right up front JUST in case she’s confused me with the HOUSEKEEPING staff..which is entirely possible because I’m wearing my.. JUICY TRACK SUIT. Hello? Ru? JUICY?????

“I KNOW who you are. Guess what? I DRANK coffee today.”

This is where I have to hold myself in check. You don’t want to overreact and scream something you’ll come to regret later..like “I don’t KNOW who you are anymore?”

Because THEN the response might be, “Oh honey..I don’t know who you are either. Maybe YOU should get a room? Why don’t you come sit down with us and have a little shnookie? (slurping from cup)

Say WHAT? I don’t DO SHNOOKIE.

I do. Don’t we BERT?

AH HA! It’s a man behind this. Way to COMPROMISE your integrity Ru. Shame on you trying to appear WITH IT.. when clearly you are NOT. I could have sworn.. and correct me if I’m wrong— that it was maybe.. last week, when you pronounced kissing a coffee drinker was akin to inhaling dog breath? At least I t-h-o-u-g-h-t it was you. So if this..BERT, asked you to jump off a cliff..would you do THAT too?

I know BETTER then to ask questions like this. OF COURSE she would. BUT..only after taking a few precautionary safety measures..to insure her hair wouldn’t get mussed. Then she’d do one of those CANNON balls.. just to show THAT BERT A THING OR TWO about the kind of girl she is (not that she would remember). Nope. Never get a “no” to a nice cliff jump especially where there was a good-looking fella there to CATCH her.

It’s not just the coffee thing that gets me. It’s the whole, “we’re ALLLL wearing our hair ratty and matted this week Ru wanna do it too?” Then the next week it’s, “let’s trade shoes and mix them up and wear a sneaker on one foot and a slipper on the other.” Yeah. Cool. LET’S do it. hee hee hee. Am I reliving a bad year of high school here? Really. Because some of the trends that Bertha comes up with for all the cool girls to do are so pathetic. Hon..We ALREADY did the underwear on the outside of the shirt thing LAST week. It’s old and tired.

Yesterday I was escorting the gang replete with MIL.. down the hallway towards the elevator for their bus ride. Otherwise known in these parts as.. le Tour de highway. FARRRRR more exciting then you can EV-AH imagine.. due in part to the awesome construction site along side I-5 Southbound..home to the hottie yellow hat dudes working with some mighty fine equipment. All the girls can scream and point to their hearts content and then return to Happy Daze full of Vim, Vigor and renewed vitality. Ru loves it and wouldn’t miss it for the world.

I think it was Blanche who began..just out of the blue.. to hum melodic strains that sounded eerily familiar and just to be honest..eerie at the same time. As she’s humming I see Selma who was beginning to roam in the wrong direction..do an “about face” look up and wink at Blanche and begin also to hum the same melody. Weird. I KNOW this tune but.. Ga. Where? Oh look who it is? Ru. She also has started humming and so is Helga. Then it HITS me. EEE Gads it’s..

Buddy you’re a boy make a big noise playin in the street gonna be a big man some day..

Then Ru yells..EVERYONE all together now!

We will..we will..ROCK YOU.

ROCK U.

A

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