Something Smells Fishy

Dear Diary,

You know how when you walk into a persons place of residence and the very first thing that you notice is..how it smells? It’s not “Look how nice and clean and well appointed.” or “WOW! I really like what you did with the pink plaid couch and the powder blue chintz throw pillows.” News Flash! The very first thing we notice is Home B. O. (building odor). For instance, let’s take my friend…umm..Zena. Now, when I walk into the den of Zena I’m aware of a delicate fruity upper note accentuated by rich vanilla undertones and musk infusions. Nice. Not to overpowering, very easy on the nasal passages and conjures up the feeling of roaming through.. a used book store.. stationary store. Yes, that’s exactly the smell..Stationary store No. 5.

I find that I could be blindfolded and guided into a vast array of different dwellings and score with 100% accuracy who the occupant is. Take for instance Grandma Marnie’s abode. What strikes first, is a whiff of Old Spice for the “manly man” aftershave, mixed with Aqua Net hair spray (Extra Super Hold, Original) with a hint of Listerine for the after punch. Believe it or not, it’s a pleasurable scent and although it wouldn’t do well in fragrances you can never be too sure. After all Britney’s Fog found shelf space.

Happy Daze Assisted Living (Motto: We Forget You Have Dementia) is quite a different story.
The smell hits my nostrils even before my second foot’s through the door and makes me sooo glad I’m not in my third month of pregnancy.. if you catch my whiff. It’s an ever changing fragrance that makes me think that they have numerous cases in reserve stacked in the stock closet. Cases labeled with exotic names like.. Corn beef and Cabbage Eau de Parfum or Deep Fryer Grease Eau de Toilette or just Toilet– a cologne that comes in either Room Spray or
plug-ins. It’s getting to the point were even mouth breathing doesn’t prevent infiltration. Light some incense, burn lemon verbena scented candles, anything..

It never ceases to amaze me how the scented air of the building attaches itself to my scalp and becomes so deeply absorbed into the hair strand DNA, that to eradicate it can take upwards of five, maybe six lather repeats. Maybe I need a more industrial strength shampoo? Or maybe I should try masking the offensive aroma with Tar Shampoo for dandruff? (I don’t HAVE dandruff but it’s conceivable that I might develop a case..later.) Funny thing is that when I step into Ruth’s room..it’s all floral base with mild notes of brown sugar and chocolate. I need to speak with the B.O. department on this one..or maybe just package what Ruth’s got and sell it to cover costs!

I must tell you a secret My Sandwich Generation BFF’s. Do what I do and before you go out, shove a few newly ripped magazine fragrance sample strips into your purse. Bring them out if you know you will be encountering some B.O and hold them under your nose and rub briskly. It works every time…even if it’s Eau de SKUNK!

Much stanks!
A