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Out of SIGHT..Out of MIND

Dear Diary,

If something happens in your day to day (or night to night) goings on and you don’t REMEMBER it..Does it then cease to have ever happened? Let’s say hypothetically, that I ate two doughnuts from Krispy Kreme. If I don’t remember that I ate those Krispy Kreme doughnuts thus forgetting to add their consumption to my daily caloric intake sheet it’s really like it never happened. Right? Some of you will argue the point that when I get on the scale and I’m up two pounds then I’ll remember PLENTY. I don’t think so. When I was eating the doughnut— I was in the moment. Enjoying all the sweet, gooey, delightful qualities of said doughnut. When the doughnut was done I was in a new moment and I couldn’t remember that I ate the doughnut but I was full and happy because of it. Do you see where I’m going with this?

My mother-in-law Ruth operates with very similar mechanics. Believe it or not, there are times when I find it to work to her advantage. When you have Alzheimer’s you lose all sense of time and place, thus enjoying the very point in time that YOU are in. It’s no secret that you and I have purchased..I don’t know? What? A MILLION books on How to be in the Here and Now: A step-by-step guide for blowing off everything in your already cluttered chaotic mind and being fully focused on the dilemmas before YOU. Best Seller. Plus, the Doc who wrote it? He’s looking forward to his big fat retirement in Florida because none of us can figure it out.

H-E-L-L-O Ruth. Absolutely NO freakin’ idea what happened yesterday or an hour ago or five minutes ago for that matter. She seldom worries about this little “problem” and there’s a very good reason why that is. She has ME to playback every second of her previous day with great zip and zeal. What she did. What she said. What everyone said ABOUT her. All that..With a little somthin’ somthin thrown in for good measure. Bwahahaha.. Joy Happens.

The day after Mothers Day I get a call.

“Excuzze me, Adrienne” comes the sweet voice of one of the dearest aides on the ROAM floor. “Could ew please talk to Rut? She thinks she was rude to you yesterday and said something. What eeze dat? She said she was.. Snarky. ”

I can hear Ruth in the background giving directions in her “worried and I’m sooo BUSTED voice.” Kind of like the time she and Blanche got caught downstairs trying to escape.. Never mind. I’ll save THAT one for later.

“Honey?” this is Grandma. “Was I rude to you yesterday? Because if I saw you..I think I must have been rude to you. I don’t think I even had a good time because I didn’t get to spend much time with the children..if they were here.

O.K. Now comes the fun part. Watch closely how I do this and feel free to take notes. Always keep your eye on the BALL.

ME (sounding like I smoked some kind of illegal plant life..which I would NEVER do but I’ve seen people): G-R-A-N-N-Y! We had the BEST day with you yesterday! I brought the boys to your place and we all had lunch together. Then the boys went to play pool downstairs and the male strippers came. You can’t remember how good-looking they were? You had a blast. They got up on the table and everyone was dancing..and you had the time of your life. The end. (pause for effect)

(cont.) “I have never seen you have such a good time. Do you feel better now?”

RUTH: Wow. Do I. Who wouldn’t? It’s too bad I can’t remember that though. But OH well. It sounds like it was some party. I’m going to go to my room “A” and take a nap because I’m exhausted from all that hoopla. Bye. Thank you soooo much:)

Cha-Ching!

What actually happened:

Every year on Mothers Day, the kids (Alien Dude28 and Smart Alec2) and I assemble roughly twenty-eight little bouquets of flowers and bring them up to the girls on the ROAM floor at Happy Daze Assisted Living. One tenth of a second after we pushed ourselves through the “faux bookcase” door— I see Ruth flying shuffling(it’s the UGGS) towards me wearing a look of “I’m on stimulation overload” or “I’ve done a few to many prune juice shots”. She looked kind of dizzy and out of sorts but after an hour of circumambulating before the magic keypad door I can’t say I’d look any better.

RUTH: OMG! Look who’s here? Would you? Well. I’ll. Be. I was going to come down and walk over to your place.

Sure you were granny. Because I live soooo close. I have no doubt you could walk it in..two, three maybe four..D-A-Y-S. That is IF you could figure out how to WORK the elevators once they actually arrived on the floor (which on a good day could take upwards of an hour).

RUTH: I can’t remember the code to this bookcase. I feel like I should know how to do this by now. I’ve been standing here for DAYS.

Ruth and I share the trait of embellishment. I seriously doubt Ruth that you had been standing here for days. Hours? Maybe. Days? Naaaaah. I saw you yesterday.

After I walked Ruth through the art of the “deep cleansing breaths”, we made it into the dining room so that Grandma could receive her accolades. Ruth just glows from this “flower delivery” because let’s face it..HER grandkids otherwise known as her “SONS” children have taken it upon their extremely academically gifted and talented selves to give back to society and make such a profound difference by their selfless act of throwing mini-carnation’s at her BFF’s around the lunch table before helping themselves to the cookie platter with sheer abandon.

Ruth had a fab Mothers Day.

My Sandwich Generation mother’s, it’s time for us, as of TODAY to experiment with the concept of living in the moment. Let’s leave the watches and the cell phones (no U may not txt:() at home or locked in the car (in purse on vibrate) and try it. What is reality anyway? Normal functioning can be SO overrated. Be and find some joy right where you are in this space and time. Suck up every second. Find a way to imprint it on your heart and draw fullness from the time you have with that dear parent or grandparent that you are in the presence of. When you leave them, what do you have left? The sweet swelling of your heart and a deeper inner contentment of the soul. The actual time together may have passed..but the inner contentment lives on forever.

Now you see me.

Now you don’t.

A