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Driven to DRINK

There is an activity that is very commonly practiced in most Assisted Living facilities; much like Happy Daze Assisted where my Mother-in-law Ruth lives. Up on the ROAM floor (Dementia Care) it is called Reminiscence Hour. Not nearly as fun as—Say, HAPPY HOUR or Red Hat Day. But the residents get into it and that’s all that really matters. I might have to drop a suggestion in the comments box on the way out. Passing some kind of Prune Mojito to get the party started and loosen tongues might not be a half bad idea.

To sit in on one of these sessions is to gain deep insightful knowledge into how life was lived way back One hundred years ago, according to some. When these folks went to school they had to want it badly. Greta traipsed 26.2 miles to get her education (that was EACH way). According to the big ‘G’, it was an up-hill climb the whole way to get to her little RED School house. There was slight variation on theme as Jo’s schoolhouse was Yellow and she only walked 18 miles each way. Henry’s was Tan (10 miles) and Lucy pulled white stucco out of her memory bank.. weighing in with the winner–30 miles EACH WAY. That’s practically Iron Man material. I wonder if she biked and swam too? Oh yeah this get’s e-v-e-n better.

Show of hands please if you only had TWO meals a day like Virginia and Shirley? I’m checking out the hand count. What’s this? Why is Ruth’s hand up? Ruth? Why are you sticking up your hand? YOU had three meals a day. I KNOW you did. I give her a quizzical look and she shoots an “Oh for Pete’s sake, don’t say a word” glare, right back. Leaning over she whispers, “Look, I don’t want these other people to feel bad. They walked ALL that way to school and only got fed TWO meals.” Fair enough. But wait! She’s going to embellish. “For our first meal, we might have some Raisin Bran..”

Umm..Ruth. I don’t think they had Raisin Bran when you were a girl “ninety-five” years ago. (Just a little 411 to the first time readers..Ruth is 82).

“Then we’d have a glass of Orange Juice and a Starbucks muffin..”

I’m just going to NOT touch this one.

Ruth is always mindful of not making anyone feel bad..EXCEPT when she:

1.    Gets new clothes. Then she puts on a fashion show with a walk that is slightly “reminiscent” of divine Miss J Alexander on Americans Next Top Model.
2.    Has her hair and nails done. Please see above #1.
3.    Gets a new Boyfriend

The second part of Reminiscence Hour is where it might be helpful for SOME to have Alcohol make an appearance. The perky activities gal Daphne is leading this session and begins to steer the discussion onto oncoming traffic. “Tell me about your boy friends?” CRIPES! NO! NO! We mustn’t go there Daphne. MUST. NOT. GO. THERE. Too late.

RUTH: Well the first boyfriend I had was..

TICK

TOCK

TEN Min. later..

TICK

TOCK

FIFTEEN Min. later..

TICK..

E-e-e-e  n  o  u g  h !!!

RUTH: ..and now I have Gart, he is such a wonderful fellow. He just can’t keep his eyes off of me. We are in the early stages of dating, but who knows where this will lead..?

Yeah. Who knows where THIS will lead. Never mind that “Gart” is married. The others were too. When you have DEMENTIA there has GOT to be an upside. Anyway, Gart claims his wife Hedda is cheating on him. She lives down-stairs in un-assisted living. So I’m told. Gart says she can’t be trusted. I believe him. Those wild 88yr old Cougars.

Girlfriends of My Sandwich Generation, I am not a drinker at all. The best I do is a double pack of Mint-Lime Martini gum. But, there may will be times when we feel that it’s “three drink” lunch day. Before hitting the bottle may I suggest hitting the gym. As far as calories go.. it makes far more sense. Plus, the elliptical trainer works wonders with all that pent up emotion. Seriously, I could stay on that thing for hours. What? “No elliptical” you say? Go take a walk. A long one. Just stay away from on coming Beer Trucks!

Bottoms UP!

A