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I Want to Hold Your Hand

Gart and RuthDear Diary,

Some points you should know about dating on floor ROAM over at Happy Daze Assisted Living heh..heh..heh. It’s a l-i-t-t-l-e bit different than what YOU might EXPECT. Forget about meeting at bars or being set up by your best friends roommate. Ugh. The. Drama. Getting up in the middle of dinner under the false pretense of using the ladies room..only to text your daughter-in-law that, “He’s such a loser. ROFL. His dentures keep falling out of his mouth when he slurps and noms his apple sauce. Makes me want to hurl.” Huh? I should have NEVER taught my MIL Ruth how to text. I don’t even know HOW she REMEMBERS. What? Don’t look at me.. I showed her three times. Feh. He just needed more denture glue..that’s all. Judgie.

Dating young, cute girls with dementia like Ruth.. just got a whole lot easier with the new and improved system of dating. To hook up with the IT girl on the Alzheimer’s floor is not always easy at first. There are a MILLION (two) guys fighting for a place by her side at Flexi-Fingers, Exercise or Happy Hands Class and how can a girl choose..when she can’t see well enough to tell you apart from the competition? But if you play your cards right as new boyfriend Gart’ll end up with the most adorable, put together gal..sporting the hottest clothing trends like nobody’s business..with I might add— amazing hair. Booyah.


1. Run into girl in Hallway (with your walker and not TOO hard) trying to find your room.

2. Find out where girl lives.

3. Walk up and down hall with girl for an hour trying to find HER room and your room.

4. Ask girl what her name is.

5. Tell girl what YOUR name is.

6. Invite girl to sit with you at lunch.

7. Ask girl AGAIN what her name is.

8. Meander up and down the hall for another 30 minutes trying to find the dining room.

9. Sit down at table.

10. Introduce yourself to girl. Find out what girls name is.

11. Hold Hands.


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Posted in Uncategorized 14 years, 10 months ago at 10:06 pm.

1 comment

One Reply

  1. A different sort of romance.