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Wake up Call

The Granny Hot-LinesDear Diary,

I have decided to teach Ruth how to text message. I see no reason why not. There are some that will tell you no way because:

1. She didn’t ever do well in typing and won’t put out more than three words in under forty minutes.

2. Her dementia issue may stand in the way. By the time she gets her three words typed.. she will have FORGOTTEN her point.

3. The keys are small and even with her fab fine motor skills (it’s all those finger circles and thrusts*) she may have a problem finding the correct letter on the keypad.

I still feel like it’s time well spent to teach her; I am getting copious amounts of grey hairs from the phone calls at odd hours for trivial reasons. I’m fast asleep (listening to Steven snoring) and the PHONE does it’s “frantic ring” at 1:00am. OMG! OMG! Never has a device wielded such power over man (woman) kind and created huge drama.. Drat this innocuous little device! It sure can manifest the full range of physiological responses (which will eventually get taken out on our spouse later.) That being said..what would we do without it? Sick. Sorry, that was just a W-R-O-N-G thought to put into the air.
This is why, I’m starting to think it’s time to have Granny text when she’s up in the middle of the night.

Gi! Wit er u dooing? Im bourd. Warz mi car? Doo u havit:}

Maybe I won’t get her a razor. The i-phone might be easier for her; she’ll just need to stay away from the twitter button.

It’s not only the middle of the night calls which are a tad nerve-racking. The late afternoon calls can be equally traumatic.

ME: Hello? (maybe more like “What’s the matter?” since I do have caller I.D.)

HAPPY DAZE ASSISTED LIVING: Adrienne? We have Ruth..

These are the words that begin the nausea response..that sweating, churning, puke-ie feeling. “We have Ruth..” And what?

I’ll take B. for $100 Frank..You have Ruth and..???? She decided to catch some rays and you caught her flashing the workmen from her window? Spit it O-U-T. FAST.

Sometimes it’s just nothing.

Turns out Ruth just forgot if she was supposed to use the orange-red MAC lipstick I bought her or if I was returning it? Should she use the SEPHORA no.21 691A instead? I can actually hear granny all befuddled and out of sorts in the background muttering..I thought we decided that the red had too much blue in it..ask her, would you?

I know all you gals of MY SANDWICH GENERATION can relate. First we have our cell ring (bark, chirp) during the school day asking us to come and fetch our virus infested child from the sick bay. Now, we get the call from the nurse at Alzheimer’s Senior High telling us mom is constipated and “oh..she’s out of cranberry tablets”. At 6:30am. Feh! Sometimes we get both at the SAME time. What do you do if you have to choose between mother-in-laws doctors appointment (where we had been waiting for over an hour) or your kid who has just called to say he’s tired and wants to go home? I’ll tell you what I did. Rock. Paper. Scissors. I feel it’s the fairest way.
“Granny” won and I told tired boy to put his head down on the desk and rest his eyes, I’ll see him in an hour.

Back to the texting..I’ll let you know how I do with the instruction. Hmmm. Maybe I’ll teach the whole group of residents how to text and make ALL of your lives a little bit less frightening.

c u laytr,
A
*Please see archives for Bikini Ready.

Posted in Uncategorized 8 years, 4 months ago at 6:52 am.

2 comments

2 Replies

  1. My husband and I bought his mom (another Ruth) a cell phone made for children (Firefly). It had two buttons — one for “mom” and one for “dad” that were pre-programmed into the phone. She never figured out how to make a call — even turning it on was impossible for her.

    Good luck with the texting.

  2. Adrienne Apr 19th 2009

    Thanks so much Dona. I’ll keep that in mind when programming Granny Ruth’s phone.