Nothing brings an enormous glowing smile to Granny Marnies face then.. having her eyebrows drawn on properly (I knocked the “arch” out of the park this time..heh) AND having her huge brood surround her for a family meal (somewhere OTHER than her place). There our illustrious matriarch sits..fully engaged in the act of observing her grandchildren and great-grand children slamming down their fish sticks and fries in unison.. and defending a little too loudly each others parenting skills (or lack thereof). Like when her second born Grandson’s DAUGHTER.. little Polly Pockets, made a grab for the toy TASER her fifth born granddaughters SON Luke Skywalker was happily amusing himself with..under the table.

I SAW THE WHOLE THING. When Marnie’s head was turned toward the dessert table..sweet dainty Polly slid down under the table and wrangled the gun away from Lukie..while placing him in a choke hold from which there was NO escape. Then she used the weapon as a maraschino cherry masher with the remnants’ of her Shirley Temple cocktail and a handy dandy NOSE picker..which for all intensive purposes was a little unsettling to watch. Luke melted down on the SPOT..because naturally “THAT’S snott howz it’s spossed to be used MAMA.” Then we had the big heated debate on the subject of how YOUNG is too young to be trained in toy taser usage. Some say five..some six. Fe.

Talk about exciting one to a point of near delirium. As Marnie looked out from the head of the table..a seat only reserved for the very powerful (or those who must drive electric scooters) enthralled by the many generations assembled before her.. she believed she was seeing..not only the MOST well behaved progeny known to mankind but also the most intelligent. I was not for a second going to shatter her illusion..Until SOMEONES child dumped cherry Popsicle down my neck.