I GOT CARDED

Dear Diary,

As I jauntily march through the doors of my favorite Den of Antiquity (Happy Daze Assisted living where “THEY DO DEMENTIA RIGHT!”) I am accosted by a hyperventilating Ruth waving some sort of official looking envelope (jury duty?) in my face. WOO! HOO! “Wow, look what you have. What do you think it is?”
To be perfectly frank, I KNOW what it is.. NOW, that it’s recklessly violating air space in my personal comfort zone. BEHOLD! The same letter that I have been reading to Ruth adnauseam for weeks on and off.. because she loves to hear it. W-h-y does she like to hear it? Again, I bite myself in the badunkadunk.. SHE likes it because I EMBELLISH, that’s WHY. Taking a little artistic liberty from time to time is no crime and in this case it makes the Old Lady happy, so what’s the harm? I’m sure not going to read this Valentines Day card from her son, let’s call him..Kevin (and her other sons will be ummm.. Joe and Nick*..) the way it was W R I T T E N. Not that there is anything wrong with the syntax of said Vday greeting. You be the judge..which would you rather have read aloud in front of YOUR
twenty- five Alzheimer friends congregating around your seat at lunch?

1. Happy Valentines Day mom. Will you be mine? Love, Kevin
or..
2. Dearest beautiful Mother, What ever did I do to deserve a mother like you? Never has there been a more blessed man on this earth than me for being able to grow up with such goodness surrounding me at every moment. How does such a man deserve..
(turn card over and cont. page 2)

..and you know mom that I can’t smile without you, I really can’t smile without you. I can’t laugh and I can’t sing and I’m finding it hard to do ANYTHING. You see I feel sad when you’re sad, I feel glad when you’re glad and mom, if you only knew what I’m going through..I just can’t smile without you.

I bet you’re thinking those words SOUND kinda familiar..well, what do you expect? I have to change it up a notch every time I read it and I’m running out of ideas. Special thanks to Berry Manilow for helping a sister out of a jam. Then I take it on home with the close (this also changes depending on my mood and creativity). Never do I do just a plain “With Love”, way too anticlimactic.

After my reading is complete..I look up to check the reaction. S-U-C-E-S-S.. again..not a dry eye in the place. Ruth is positively beaming with pride and now that my job is done I get to sit back and listen to the post game wrap-up. This is my FAVORITE part– when Ruth reaches an ecstatic HIGH on the proud-ometer and everyone talks at once about what a great child she raised and how they have NEVER heard such a letter in ALL of THEIR LIVES. Maybe I’ll substitute something lyrical from Brittney NEXT time..possabilities..ENDLESS!

To all you Moms in the bread..ladies of MY SANDWICH GENERATION..never be afraid to pull out all the stops when it comes to spreading joy around the family..and around..and around..”WHAT A FEELIN’..!”

LOVE,
A
* Any semblance to the names of the three JONAS BROTHERS is purely coincidental.