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All A TWITTER

Dear Diary,

First they take over Facebook and NOW they’re taking over twitter. I walk in on Grandma Marnie this morning doing the unthinkable..tweeting. Yes, that’s right. There she was all hunched over her little portable mini-computer pecking away. For fear of breaking her rapt attention I tiptoed quietly around to get a better glimpse of what it was that was sooo important that Granny felt the need to share it with all of humanity.

RT @RumpRoast If it’s been in refrig. for six months taste it first then toss.

ACKKK! No. Say it isn’t so. BAD Dream. Bad fah-kak-ta dream, this is. I can’t resist, so I keep scrolling down..

@Badeye Use that cream on your pie face swelling. It was made for your hemorrhoids.

Stop. Right. Here. I really don’t have a huge problem with Marnie being a part of today’s hip culture..(I said hip culture, not hip FRACTURE) what I have a problem with is her need to share misguided advice to others under the auspice of Granny know- it- all. Holy cow! Did she not just advise a woman (at least I think it was a woman) to taste rump roast that has been sitting for six MONTHS before serving it? What if RumpRoast lady actually LISTENS to Granny? Granny could K-I-L-L RumpRoast Lady. Ugh. I can’t live with that knowledge.

If THAT’s not bad enough, Badeye will shortly be smearing on judiciously PREPARATION H.. over her “pie” face. On the bright side— I did hear that Hemorrhoid cream can take down under eye swelling. Marnie wasn’t hugely off base on that one.

Grandma shifts a bit in her electric scooter and finally peers over her “hipster”(Donna Karan) spectacles and properly acknowledges me.

MARNIE: Hi dear. Why are you staring at me like that? You’ll catch flies in your mouth if you just let it hang open. Is that a new top? Your arms must be freezing..here let me get you a sweater to cover up. You look thinner TODAY (huge emphasis on today).

ME: (Very subtly casting eyes in the direction of mini computer screen) Marnie? What is that?
Are you on TWITTER?

Marnie: I don’t know what the doctor has me on dear (wrinkling forehead with hugely exaggerated motion). I very well could be and not even know it.

ME: (Moving slowly in the direction of computer) Noooo. What you’re typing? What’s THAT? (Said a wee bit accusingly.)

Marnie then begins to take me step by step through her..TO DO list. Yes. MY. BAD.
Translating in a very succinct manner, Marnie goes fragment by fragment explaining with rich detail what the H-E-..heck she was talking about. For instance..lets take RumpRoast Lady.

Marnie found an old Rump Roast in the back of the refrigerator and called the Meat Department over at her neighborhood Market. Seems that they told her to dump the beef. She looks at me like I’ve lost my mind when I inquire if she was going to taste it first before dumping. Honey..never would I do such a thing. I hope YOU know better. Do you? I remind her that it was HER written instructions that say to “taste”. Oh well. She says. I must have forgotten the “don’t”, but I KNOW what I mean. Fine. Now let’s see you wiggle your way out of swollen Pie Face.

Turns out I’m not the only one with punctuation issues. Must be hereditary. Marnie forgot to add a period after “pie” and before “face swelling”. A simple enough error.. yet changes everything.

Marnie makes a fab pie. She even whipped fresh cream to put on top. Delicious. Plus, the swelling has really gone down from under my eyes.

MY SANDWICH GENERATION. We are a resourceful lot. We share so much information with each other through all kinds of social networks..they help us to feel connected and supported. Remember to do your homework and NOT copy off of your neighbor. Each and every one of you has a very unique situation in your hands mouth; use the networking to support your quest for knowledge in Sandwich preparedness but always create your own recipe to follow.
Enjoy the meal.

Bon Appetit!

A