ACT YOUR AGE
Dear Diary,
I’m running into behavioral problems with Ruth. First of all she REFUSES to act like a Grandmother and I have to repeatedly ask her to slump a bit more when she walks because if she does, my posture will no longer resemble that of an orangutan comparatively. Maybe people might actually think that she’s fragile and needs to be seated at the restaurant ASAP if she were to stop throwing her bless-ed shoulders back and holding her head up as if there was a string attached to it anchored to the heavens above. Also we need to work on the social graces. Tone it down. Stop it with the whole.. huge toothy smile, bright eye routine with the added “pleased to meet you” hand shake (Strong hand shake.) For the Love of GOD Woman! It’s NOT working for us RUTH! People have expectations of an elderly woman with Alzheimer’s especially one who’s had it for..fifteen years..and NEWS FLASH. You’re not meeting them.
How do I reward this NEGATIVE behavior? I go shopping for my quasi elderly mother-in-law at Loehmans. That’s what I do. Pretty much everything left hanging in her closet is:
A. Not HERS. I think it’s Blanche’s stuff. I remember the day she and Ruth tried to escape Happy Daze Assisted Living and Blanche was wearing this exact, chartreuse rayon pant suit.
B. Dyed the previously mentioned* nasty Breast fed babies NUMBER TWO yellow color by staff.
C. Has shrunk from size 12 to size 4. This one is sketchy because I actually think Ruth has ballooned from size 12 to a size 16, but I would NEVER tell her that. So, THEY SHRUNK..GOT IT?
There is something in the smell of brand new clothes that makes Ruth absolutely giddy; almost bordering on a kind of “high”(which for the record I know NOTHING about). Even now, when I go shopping I make sure not to inhale. I went into Loehmans focused on the task that lay before me; find Ruth sweaters and tops.. in a size X-Large ironclad pastel. “Ummm how about this?” I coo to myself as I hold up this seasons Black Dolce Corset and white pants. Puuur-fect. This could work..where could I wear it. “He-l-l-o maze I help oow?” I look up to see this tall blond sales woman doing the quick ass-essment of yours truly. “No..I umm.. I’m looking for my mother-in-law today.” “What does SHE DO?” comes the reply. I don’t blame her.
Ruth was thrilled with her new accouterments. I showed up with a full shopping bag of nifty goodies. This was enough to send her over the moon. The best part? The cutting (ripping/pulling) of the cords and the announcement and discussion of sale price obtained versus what I might have paid regularly. I tend to OVERSTATE a tad just for dramatic flair.
May I remind all the lovely ladies of MY SANDWICH GENERATION that “The better they look..the better we FEEL..the better THEY feel.” Ruth has always been one to take great pride in how she looks. Her outward appearance always matched her inside fabric (total beauty, grace and dignity.) With this in mind..my attention, on top of everything else, goes to seeing that Ruth looks the way she would want to look if she were 100% cognizant. Hmmm. Maybe she won’t like that Dolce corset after all and it will be mine..ALL mine!
Click. Flash.
A
*Please see blog: When Bad Clothes Happen to Good People
If you have to do it, you might as well do it right
Dear Viagra,
Ummm. Do WHAT right? I might just say..Do your BEST!
I rarely comment on blogs but yours I had to stop and say Great Blog!!
Just wanted to tell YOU thank you so much for the comment! I’m glad you let me know that you enjoyed the blog..especially when you don’t usually do that. All the best and please stop by again!
Take care!
A