Ringing in the EARS

Dear Diary,

Picture THIS if you will. I’m on my hands and knees UNDER my MIL Ru’s bed, which I liken to the experience of exploring the depths of the murky ocean bottom. It’s really frightening and totally exhilarating in a.. TITANIC sort of way. You crawl along in the dark, not really able to see anything and all over the sudden you happen upon a bright, shiny treasure. Are you kidding? Could this be? Why yes. Yes it is. It’s Ru’s cocktail ring. The PRICELESS, fake, tin, clip-on hoop EARING I bought at Loehmmans for like $8.50, that Ru insists on wearing (as a purity ring) for sentimental value.

Seriously, there’s like ZERO sentiment attached to the giving of this accessories. It was an impulse buy and the sales girl said it was the last one. That’s all it takes. What’s this you say? Last one? Well I certainly can’t let THIS slip into the hands of the lady breathing down the back of my neck awaiting my reply.. now can I? Uh uh uh. Not so fast girlfriend. My MIL has DEMENTIA and she will be traumatized if she doesn’t have a pair of.. sassy clip-ons to go with THESE (holding up flannel lip pajamas). Step away from the earrings. And this adorable bracelet that goes with them.. I’ll take it too.

“Here Ru.. look what I found! Oh my LAWD.. you’re so not going to believe it. Here. (chucking precious “ring” out from underneath the bed and hearing it smack the wall). Don’t worry.. it’s insured.”

I can clearly see Ru’s Uggs scurry across the room.. barely missing smacking into her Lazy boy chair base by a half an inch, before coming to an abrupt halt. And on.. three, two, one..

“WHAT am I looking for again?”

Your RING. You know the ring that I gave you.. because I love you, care about you and will always be there for you? Look down Ru. Do you see it?

“NO. There’s no ring. Only my missing cheap earring you bought me.”

-A