Heated Argument with Mother-in-Law.. FAIL
Dear Diary,
Just so we’re clear.. I’d like to go on record as saying, it’s not a particularly good idea to get into HEATED ARGUMENTS with your MIL. Never mind that she has dementia and may lash out with some, oh I don’t know.. QUASI-innocent comment about your penchant for blaming others for your own mistakes. Mistakes.. that if MY memory serves me (because.. heh.. someones has to) were so NOT my fault. I ACCIDENTALLY let Blanche out of the faux bookcase door because she SAID she was going to MISS her plane.
W-h-a-t you guys? She HAD her suitcase with her.. she KNEW she was flying TWA.. anddddd she flashed something that I THOUGHT was a passport. If she had dementia would she HAVE a passport? Granted it was a passport that played music.. and shouted out.. YOU SURE ARE LOOKING FINE FOR 89. Yeah. So it was a very easy mistake to make.
It wasn’t as if I needed to assess blame for the jumbo GOUGE in Ru’s newly polished (with top coat) nail that took me twenty minutes to polish. I’m sorry— Yuh huh. She ASKED for the “French maid” look and I’d get the white tip painted on, then she’d forget and start dinking around with the wet sucker with her thumb.. like, Are THESE real (tap tap) or are they those press on phonies? (smwishhh) Oh wait. Look. I now have Wite-Out correction fluid all over my entire hand. Hmmmm.. Maybe you should dip this cotton ball (holding out for me) into the toxic solution that I’m getting HIGH on and do it in a way that these fuzzy balls, will shed all over my OTHER freshly painted digits.. ONE. MORE. TIME.
To be clear, really what I was doing— was more along the lines of stating a simple fact to Ru. Just sort of casually.. as I might do if I were to notice some.. OHHH. Let’s use, freshly sprouted chin hair growth as an example.
“Hey Ru, looks like I need to pluck your chin again. I’ll do it tomorrow when I have three hours. Bring a book.”
Harmless right? THIS time however, big old freakin ruckus because GAWD FORBID I should challenge the FACT that she was incapable of “dinging” her nails because.. WHY? Get this— because the KLEENEX was ALREADY THERE placed inside the nostril when she SAT down to at the table. I must’ve been distracted AGAIN by my phone.. diddling around with my PECKER and WHOA.. Just a sweet minute there sista. Don’t I dare PATRONIZE her by saying I wasn’t playing with my PECKER.. account (twitter).. because she KNOWS what it’s called and she has a witness that will testify she done no wrong. Oh really? Like..
“Selma.”
Bwahahahaha. Selma?
Your honor.. and members of the (sniff.. cough it up) JURY. I’m SURE I would’ve noticed a large billowing sheet of tissue flapping wantonly from the nose of my MIL, whether I was tweeting or NOT. I don’t think it’s fair that you guys continue to bring up my past OVERSIGHTS as a means to make me feel more culpable then I already feel. THIS is a travesty of the ROAM (Random Occasional Accidental Memory) floor justice system and your PENAL system sucks.
Yes. Brav- to the -O. Dare I say BRILLIANTLY delivered. I could’ve gone into law doing case after case against people with cognitive impairment and made MILLIONS. How can you not love how I made my point so clearly as to be RIGHT at all costs. I win.
“What did she say is wrong with her penals? You know—come to think of it. I knew a guy once who had some problems and..”
I stand guilty as charged Ru.
“Your H-O-N-O-R.”
Yes. That. Urrr.. Your major ROYAL.. Honorness-ness.
My dearest Sandwich Generation, understand RIGHT NOW.. it will no longer matter what your perception of reality is. THAT is secondary. In fact.. anything having to do with you is secondary. Your senior family from this day forth will be correct no matter what they say and think plus, YOU’RE GONNA LIKE IT. This of course will go against all your sensibilities, rigidity and whatever other sticks you have lurking in unmentionable places. Breaking down boundaries BAY-BEEEE.. it’s what I do.
The fact is.. all close emotional sensitivities and familial roles must be thrust aside and the true professional that you are must take center stage when engaged in such unexpected tug-o-wars. Oh yes.. indeed it will happen. No matter HOW well prepared you think you are, it’s inevitable that the buttons will be pushed. Put the ego away and learn to stay focused on the goal of keeping your elder happy with as little distress to their person as possible. And remember.. this is THEIR stage and you’re but a bit player on it.
Nailed it.
-A
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Tho, it has taken me since 7.00am this morning to read a paragraph at time, through my watery eyes. And the fact that i am pretending not to be sick, looking after others children. I made it to the end by 2.30pm with great enjoyment. Thank You Ky Annie