Mind Bobble-ing
Dear Diary,
Timing my entry into Grandma Marnie’s residence at Killjoy Assisted Living is one part science and one part luck. All in all, it’s just a very big crapshoot. I seem to have a knack for being in the right place at the wrong time when it comes to Marnie taking care of her daily morning business and me getting caught in the aftermath without my HAZMAT suite for protection. Hey. This is just a very small (lethal) price to pay for bringing great joy and richness to my dear, sweet granny. What do I expect the after effect to be after slamming back prune juice chasers and Fiber One?
I will never go in for the knock until I feel there has been ample time for previously mentioned “task accomplishment”.. calculated by (this is where the “science” part comes in) slumbering rouse-ment time subtracted by basic grooming minutes i.e. teeth brush, face wash, hair piece attachment and multiplied by dressing plus breakfast prep to give me..greater than> 10:00 am and lesser than< 10:00 pm. Killjoy Assisted Living (motto:If old age doesn’t do it..we will) had given granny a note asking her to please be up for the nurses visit at 5:30am. Um..I thought the very. same. thing. Seems a little early to be entertaining. What does Marnie do? She sets the alarm clock for 4:00am so she gets through her well choreographed routine without issue and can be presentable at the meet and greet with the “doctor” at Killjoy. Tick. Tick. Tick. 5:00am. TICK. TICK. TICK 6:00am. T-I-C-K! BOOM!
Incredibly ticked off at this point Marnie calls down to the front desk.
MARNIE: Hello, this is Marnie, I’m in room..(yelling at husband George 97yr. in back round) GE-O-R-GE! What room are we in?
GEORGE (yelling back): 415! Geez-us Marnie! Can’t you remember what the heck room your in?
MARNIE: Oh be quiet George. I’ve been up since 3:00am.(slight exaggeration) How should I know?
GEORGE: Well, so have I.
KILLJOY OPERATOR: Hello?
MARNIE: George just go back to bed.
GEORGE: For Cripes sake Marnie I’m up now..I can’t go back to bed.
KILLJOY OPERATOR: H-e-l-l-o?
I came in just in the nick of time.. as often is the case. Marnie is sitting at the kitchen table all done up and dressed in high collar, special occasion nightie, sipping a cup of…ga!
I love when Marnie recounts a story because always there are little dramatic details creatively inserted to give the tale even more punch.. as if any of Marnie’s stories need more punch. She tells me that the letter she was handed by the staff had a slight typo and instead of saying the “doctors” (lab tech. it turns out) visit will be at 5:30p.m it said a.m. In order to not be seen in low plunging neckline nightie, Grandma had to get up at 4:00am to ready herself. Already this story has holes but why piddle on her parade. “Marnie?” I ask. “Did you and George ever consider that 5:30 AM is just a wee bit early for a visit?” Marnie answers that they had never really given it a second thought. Not being the type to rock the boat, she just went along with it. Turns out after doing some of my own research, that the letter actually stated 7:00am– not 5:00am. Killjoy will stop at nothing to get the job done.
Marnie and George have a big night tonight so naps for all. It’s baseball theme night at Killjoy and Marnie has asked if I would tie some BOBBLE HEADS around her neck with a scarf. Creative. Yet. I think not. I suggested to Marnie that we tape JJ Putz and Ichiro on to her electric scooter handle bars instead because they weigh, like what? Ten pounds each. Talk about pain in the neck.
MY SANDWICH GENERATION peeps, creativity is paramount for eldercare success. Just go with it. Doesn’t matter what you have walked into on any given day, just surrender to the process and make it work. This is really a great way for you also to get your creativity juices flowing. Just make sure you stay away from the prune.
Keep your head on straight!
A
